Why January Why?

Dear January--

I have to admit you are not my favorite month. Why you may ask? Because you signal the end of the holidays, time with my family, some small time of relaxation that I get before the chaos of giving and grading high school exams. You still get dark before I get home, it's cloudy most days--granted you are giving me a small gift this weekend of almost 70 degree weather, but with a chance of rain? Come on! How am I to handle a crazy active 2.5 year old who wants to go out and play?

But seriously, January has always been a tough month for me. I struggle with the chaos of the holidays and trying to get everything done and wham...add school pressure and I want to run and hide. My first week back at school as been crazy busy. And it has not helped my situation at all. Since I find myself not sleeping well, I crave sleep--away from everyone, but that's just not possible in my world.  I find I'm getting rattled and frustrated very easily, and I don't handle things very well. I want to burst into tears and run away. I know--tough right. 

I’m 41 years old and I’ve battled depression for almost 13 years. I was diagnosed with mild to moderate depression after my father died in 2000, but looking back, I honestly think it was there even further back--in college. There were days I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stop crying and didn't want to even get out of bed. And yes I’m now medicated and I’ve been through countless hours of counseling-- I’ve educated myself and know my triggers. Yet still I beat myself up for not being able to snap out of it.
 
Depression--all mental illnesses to be correct-- is beyond frustrating for everyone involved. I know, I’ve been on both ends for depression runs rampant in my gene pool hitting most of my family--mom, dad,  sister, brother, aunts and even my grandmother. Not a pretty way of life I know. I worry about my son and if he will be affected, I pray that he doesn't, but at least I know what to watch for.

So why did I start this post with my dislike for January? Because for so many people January is a rough month--and yes, I've heard the excuses "I'm just stressed "or "Oh, it's nothing, I'm just not sleeping well", and I want folks to know that I am right there with you. I hope that a majority of you who are reading this never have to deal with this beast... but if you do... you are not alone. Here's to our health and a better January.

For the love of teaching....

I'm getting personal here. Right now you could say I'm in a funk. I'm not happy with my job--in fact you could say right now I resent it--big time. I resent that it is taken over my life. My brain is always on teaching. My desk at work is full of mountains of papers to correct or pass out. All I talk to my husband about is what crazy, stupid thing some of my 9th grade boys did. I don't look forward to school because I know I must tackle more and more.

Don't get me wrong.  I love teaching--it is all I've ever wanted to do, my passion. I love teachers, my kiddos, seeing students light up when they get a concept, decorating my classroom, even working on curriculum. I will talk theory with the best of best, mentor, join book clubs on educational topics... you name it. I will tout my kiddos accomplishments till the cows come home. I guess you could call me a "teacher nerd" and I love it.

I know that when I choose this profession (dare I say it chose me?) that it would become a defining part of my identity. That my life would be about other peoples children, giving up my time to chaperone field trips, advise clubs, attend football games and school musicals, write curriculum, and finding out what is best for my students learning, not my teaching style. It is who it I am, who I want be, and I totally accepting of it. But for the love of  all things high school, I would love to do something without feeling guilty about the ungraded papers, the lesson that needs tweeked, journal articles, or goals that await me.    

What do I mean? I want to be able to work at decorating my house, put my son to bed,  finish the book on toddler behavior I've been reading for months, or talk to my sister on the phone without feeling guilty about the stack of papers I left on my desk. I want to drink a cup of tea and watch my favorite tv show on Sunday night without doing something lesson plan related.  To peruse Pinterest without pinning dozens of class ideas. The list goes on and on.

I know that life is about balance, but what is it about teaching and feeling guilty about having a life outside of school? We are not superheros, we are human and we need to take time for ourselves. I know I do, but right now, I'm not. I have to start taking time for me, but it so hard to do when you are pulled in so many directions. I'm up for suggestions if you have any, because right now I am suffering.

Excuses, Excuses...

It's been over a week since I have last posted and yes I am really slacking off. But hey, in my defense it is spring, the flowers are blooming and I am worse than my students waiting for the end of the school year. Alas, I shall settle for spring break. It is here!! And what pray-tell have I been doing these past weeks? Well, here's a quick roundup.

• Enjoying the sunshine and 70-80 degree weather.
• Playing with Duncan as much as I can outside. He loves the outside and so do I.
• Grading papers, grading papers and grading papers. Did I mention it's the end of the quarter and I'm grading papers?
• Reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp, M.D. It's been enlightening to read so far,and I am hoping to use more and more of his tips with Duncan and perhaps even my students.
• I got a mommy day!! Manicure, pedicure and a relaxing lunch.
• House dreaming...
• Going to bed at a decent time--no more staying up late for me if I can help it. I love my sleep way too much.
• Along with the grading... I'm trying to get my lesson and unit plans together for the rest of the school year. It's coming up quicker than I want and I need to plan this out right so I don't shortchange my students when it comes to state testing, but at the same time keeping the things that they are interested in learning--gotta find that balance.
• Committing myself to working out. Both my husband and I are starting a prep program to help us get a jump start on our health.
• and finally--Enjoying spring break and the chance to slow down, take a nap, and relax.

My Vera Bradley Obsession

Those of you who know me, know I am not the most "girly" girl. I am a tomboy at heart and didn't own a dress by choice until I was forced to in the 8th grade when my volleyball coach wanted us to dress up for away games. But I have a girl obsession--Vera Bradley. If you haven't been to their  website (www.verabradley.com ), go now... you will become as addicted as I am. I currently own three Vera Bradley bags, 2 lanyards (for school), and the pen and brush bag.  Here's some of my loves... (all pictures are from the Vera Bradley website)

My FAVORITE Besty bag in Bali Blue... to bad it's a retired color :(


I use this pencil and brush bag to keep all my pens,pencils, a highlighter or two, and sticky notes organized in my school bag. Another favorite color (especially for fall)--Buttercup!

 

My next purchase... headbands!










 My goal... I want to get a wallet, and some of the travel bags like the grand traveler or the duffel bags. Who knew I could be so "girly"? I love it. Who knows--maybe this is the start of something big! :)