Teacher Humor

So I was surfing education blogs to find lesson plan inspiration yesterday when I came across this little gem. Not on a teacher site, but cafe press (Yes, I'll admit I was multi-tasking and trying to find presents for my secret santa). I am in love. It is my life right now. And every teacher out there will immediately get the joke, for there are those days when you just have to wing it and pretend everything is O.K.  

You know your a teacher when....

I'm guessing that many of you may have already seen this... especially my teacher friends, but it gets me every time. Thanks to one of my "blog stalks" (favorites) for this.  http://oldschoolteach.wordpress.com


HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE A TEACHER? By Jeff Foxworthy

1. You get a secret thrill out of laminating things.
2. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
3. You walk into a store and hear the words, “It’s Ms./Mr. ____________ and know you have been spotted.
4. You have 25 people who  accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.
5. You can eat a multi-course meal in under 25 minutes.
6. You’ve trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day, lunch and planning period.
7. You start saving other people’s trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.
8. You believe the Teacher’s Lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine.
9. You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off”.
10. You believe chocolate is a food group.
11. You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids are sure mellow today.”
13. You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public.
14. You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.
15. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
16. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
17. You can’t pass the school supply aisle without getting at least 5 items!
18. You ask your friends to use their words and explain if the left hand turn he made was a “good choice” or “bad choice.”
19. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.
20. You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer.
21. You understand, instantaneously, why a child behaves in a certain way after meeting his/her parents.

I hope all my teacher friends, parents, colleagues, and students have had a great start to a new school year. Remember teachers are humans who love their jobs and your kids :)

Toddler Rules

Note: I must admit, I did not make this up... a friend of mine (thanks Dee) sent it to me. It describes my son and his behavior perfectly--you moms out there with toddlers, you know what I'm talking about. And because it's "about" him, I just had to throw in a picture so you can imagine him doing all this. Enjoy!

The Rules of a Toddler! 

What every parent needs to know.

If it is on, I must turn it off. If it is off, I must turn it on.

If it is folded, I must unfold it.

If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.

If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.

If it is high, it must be reached.

If it is shelved, it must be removed.

If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.

If it has leaves, they must be picked.

If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.

If it is closed, it must be opened. If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.

If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied. If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.

If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.

If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.

If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.

If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried. If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.

If it is paper, it must be torn.

If it has buttons, they must be pressed.

If the volume is low, it must go high.

If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.

If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.

If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.

If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.

If it is a phone, I must talk to it.

If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.

If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.

If it is not food, it must be tasted. If it IS food, it must not be tasted.

If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.

If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.

If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.

Blog Stalking... errr.. I mean sharing.

Now that I have a blog, I can stop looking and blogs... and looking at blogs---did I mention I look at blogs. So when Parents Magazine put out their "Best Blog Awards" I was there--and it is packed full of good family blogs to check out.

If you haven't seen Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, you have to go RIGHT now and check it out. It is hilarious. I mean FREAKIN' hilarious. Like laughing so hard I am crying hilarious. But be forewarned--it's mom humor--so if you don't get mom humor or love finding the humor in the stories that parents tell about their kids, this might not be the blog for you. I however, could spend hours on it and laugh the whole time.

Why do I love it? Probably the same reason that people love Cosby or Bill Engvall (two of my favorites)-- because I know exactly what she is talking about. I can see myself in every "crappy" picture, or my sister, or my mom friends. Adventures in going to the bathroom with a toddler, taking kids to the park, or needing a much needed mama break--been there, done that--all parents have. So go check it out an enjoy the laugh, or at least a refreshing break from the normal.