Thursday, January 10, 2013

Why January Why?

Dear January--

I have to admit you are not my favorite month. Why you may ask? Because you signal the end of the holidays, time with my family, some small time of relaxation that I get before the chaos of giving and grading high school exams. You still get dark before I get home, it's cloudy most days--granted you are giving me a small gift this weekend of almost 70 degree weather, but with a chance of rain? Come on! How am I to handle a crazy active 2.5 year old who wants to go out and play?

But seriously, January has always been a tough month for me. I struggle with the chaos of the holidays and trying to get everything done and wham...add school pressure and I want to run and hide. My first week back at school as been crazy busy. And it has not helped my situation at all. Since I find myself not sleeping well, I crave sleep--away from everyone, but that's just not possible in my world.  I find I'm getting rattled and frustrated very easily, and I don't handle things very well. I want to burst into tears and run away. I know--tough right. 

I’m 41 years old and I’ve battled depression for almost 13 years. I was diagnosed with mild to moderate depression after my father died in 2000, but looking back, I honestly think it was there even further back--in college. There were days I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stop crying and didn't want to even get out of bed. And yes I’m now medicated and I’ve been through countless hours of counseling-- I’ve educated myself and know my triggers. Yet still I beat myself up for not being able to snap out of it.
Depression--all mental illnesses to be correct-- is beyond frustrating for everyone involved. I know, I’ve been on both ends for depression runs rampant in my gene pool hitting most of my family--mom, dad,  sister, brother, aunts and even my grandmother. Not a pretty way of life I know. I worry about my son and if he will be affected, I pray that he doesn't, but at least I know what to watch for.

So why did I start this post with my dislike for January? Because for so many people January is a rough month--and yes, I've heard the excuses "I'm just stressed "or "Oh, it's nothing, I'm just not sleeping well", and I want folks to know that I am right there with you. I hope that a majority of you who are reading this never have to deal with this beast... but if you do... you are not alone. Here's to our health and a better January.

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